Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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