MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she peed on how many people?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
