The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
