thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
