Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A+ Viking dick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
