I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
