her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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