she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
