i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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