So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize