sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
