Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
