Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize