Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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