Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
