my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
