party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
