I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
