Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
