I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
