think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
