I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
