So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
