and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
