I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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