I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
