Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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