I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
