Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
