Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
