please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
