I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
