No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
