3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
