As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
