I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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