everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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