i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
