I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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