if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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