it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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