My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
