They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
