Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
