It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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