i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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