Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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