I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
