i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
