where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
