Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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