What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
