fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pants are for mortals
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
