How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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