i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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