I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
