If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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