conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we made out on top of his cat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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