...so i touched it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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