That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
