You can't motorboat a personality
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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