I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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