Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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