Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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