so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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