You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
