I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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