Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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