I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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