eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
