Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
