Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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