small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
