she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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