Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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