I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
