i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
