I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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