We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
