I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
